Growing up I used to love the sitcom “Married With Children”. It was pretty much the dawning of the dysfunctional family being put in the face of viewers around the world. Of course, I never would want to grow up and have a marriage like that, but the previous television shows that showcased marriages either made them seem too good to be true or just downright boring.
Getting married at the tender age of 20 myself, I had a lot of people that was in my ear telling me I was too young and I needed to live life more before making such a lifelong decision. Or worse yet, there were those who said their marriages didn’t last and I was definitely not going to make it. So in my marriage I went in with a lot of doubts (honestly) but I made the decision for me; not for my family, not for even our own son (which was why I didn’t have the proverbial “shotgun” wedding; pregnant with my family holding a shotgun to my soon to be husband while he made an “honest” woman out of me ).
So this year I celebrate 20 years of marriage. Made it this far, we’re still alive, still in love, and still working on it. Here are some of the few things I’ve learned about love and marriage in these 20 years of marriage.
20 THINGS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT LOVE & MARRIAGE
1, Keeping God as the nucleus to your marriage will keep you glued together.
2. Effort can’t be 50/50, but 100/100. Each person has to put their all into the effort in order for there to be a just balance.
3. Marriage is not life, it is is a decision you make in your life. (Some people have made marriage out to be what their life is all about)
4. It is not a fairytale, neither is marriage the wedding. The wedding and marriage are two completely different things. (The wedding is just the event to celebrate entering into the marriage, then the work begins)
5. Don’t run to friends and family to discuss your disagreements and personal affairs.
6. You must be friends first, and lovers always.
7. It’s okay to have healthy fights, just don’t try to destroy the other person’s feelings or character in the process. (Don’t get personal with the disagreements)
8. Marriage is a business so we might as well make a profit (Money issues should be discussed regularly and they should build and grow with your marriage so a profit is made, not a deficit)
9. Separation is sometimes necessary to come back together stronger.
10. Never allow anyone to come in between your relationship except God!
11. It’s okay to not like your spouse sometimes, as long as you love them through the moments of dislike.
12. Love does not hurt, so anyone or any song that said that is a liar!
13. It is never your spouse’s responsibility to make you happy, but they should be able to tell when you are not.
14. Marriage should be a stepping stone, not an albatross; it should enhance your life, lift you up and help you to get where your going, not get in your way.
15. No other couple should be relationship goals. The only goals you should have is to make your own marriage stronger with each day.
16. Going through struggles shouldn’t tear you apart, but should bond you together.
17. You CAN help who you “fall” in love with, and choose whether you’re going to make it work or not.
18. Pray together as if your life and love depends on it!
19. Guard your ears and eyes from things that will cause you to compare your spouse to unrealistic expectations of people or things they could never be!
20. Its usually in the moments your spouse seems unlovable that they need love the most!
Oh, and here’s an added bonus so we’ll call this #21:
It’s okay to go to sleep mad at each other, just sleep in separate rooms to prevent holding a pillow over the other person’s head 🙈🙉🙊 Start over the next day, and be thankful to experience a new day with your love!
Of course this list is NOT all inclusive of all that I have learned over the past years. There has been so much I have learned about love, marriage, and making it through. The most important thing is that I will never stop learning because it’s a never ending education. When two people join together, they are still two people. We will always be learning the other person, we will always be growing, and we also will still be learning who we are as well. There have been many ups and downs in this journey, but I am thankful that I am still here to say I’ve experienced it, learned from it, and have grown through it and most importantly love my husband more than the day we first got married.
Wishing You a Successful Beauty-Filled Journey,
Elizabeth Jennings💕 , The Minister Of Beauty (TM)