Okay. I’m no clinical specialist when it comes to depression, but I know what I know when it comes to me and what I’ve experienced and yeah, guys I was going through it with depression. It’s got so many different levels. Depression is real and just because someone is successful doesn’t mean that they don’t have hard times that they go through in their mind and their heart and their spirit, and other things that are outside of who we are that can affect us. 2018 was a very hard year for me. Well, I’ve been hurt by so many people, but in 2018 I experienced it on a very huge level which affected me mentally.
It affected me emotionally and it even affected me financially because I had people that did things that caused my business to suffer financially for a little while because they made decisions that were very selfish and I had to do what I had to do for my business. When I tell you that I had my moments where I felt like, is this even worth it anymore? You know, I started to think about people that you hear of that have been super amazing on-screen or in business. People like Robin Williams, the comedian who committed suicide. I’m like, he overdosed on some prescription drugs and maybe hung himself. I don’t remember all of the full details on that. Kate spade, super successful handbag designer and um, has an amazing brand and she killed herself because she was going through some, some personal things and a number of other people.
I’m not saying that I came to the point where I was thinking about taking myself out of here, but I understood more. But depression is real and it has a lot of different levels. But how someone in business can deal with depression or have depression and suffer in Silence is because when you are a businesswoman, a businessman, an entrepreneur or someone that’s in business, it’s not just you, you work for everyone else.
I tell people this all the time. When you are in business, it’s not about you anymore. It is about everyone else. It’s about your customers. It’s about your clients. It’s about your employees and staff if you have them. It’s about the people that you owe money to that are providing services for you so that you can conduct business. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about your family that’s depending on you. So there’s so much pressure that’s on you as an individual entrepreneur that you can’t really allow anyone around you to see you breaking down. So you have to come in, put a smile on your face, continue to conduct yourself as if everything is okay and it’s really not. I even shared some things with one of my employees the end of 2018 not because I wanted to share, divulge my own business information, but she’s one of the people that’s been rocking with me from the very beginning of me even having staff.
And I shared, you know, a few things with her and she said, wow, I didn’t even know you were going through all of that. I’d never would have known if you didn’t tell me. And I said, yeah. I said I couldn’t. I had to come in and continue to be the Elizabeth that you know, to be here because I can’t have you guys thinking that I’m breaking down or that the business is, you know, not going to be around or you know, whatever types of thoughts might come to your mind if you feel like I’m losing it so to speak. And so yeah, I was like, yeah, I had to continue to operate in spite of what I was going through so I could not let you see me sweat. I could not let you see me feel discouragement or look like I’m defeated.
I had to keep moving forward, but it really was not easy. It was very hard and there’s so much pressure on me that I didn’t know how much longer I could do it without breaking. So yeah, we have to keep up appearances for the sake of people not thinking that we’re crazy. And unfortunately, when Kate spade committed suicide, you started seeing all these different memes and Facebook posts where people were talking about “I’m here for you. If you need me, all you have to do is reach out.” But to be honest with you, most people don’t want to hear about the hard struggles that you’re going through. It’s just the truth. That’s why on social media, people, for the most part, want to see happiness. See you winning, see amazing, great things happening. They don’t want to see people that are going through hard times and struggling or you know, whatever they’re going through.
People don’t really want to see that. And I understand why; because it’s kind of an escape. No one wants to be going through their own issues and struggles and then they go to social media and then they see someone on there talking about the hard things that they’re going through or complaining about, you know, talking about how hard things are. Nobody really wants to hear that!
So a lot of times that stuff is just talk for the moment, but it’s not genuine. But yeah, you know, I was depressed and there were a number of times where I thought about just hopping in my coupe and just hitting the road and driving and just going wherever. No, no plan in place. Just get the heck up outta here because it was just that heavy. And I was like, is this even worth it? And honestly, those moments come to a lot of people on a number of occasions.
It’s just if you choose to stay there. So I made the decision that I wasn’t going to stay in that space. I knew it wasn’t healthy, I just knew that it was going to get better. It can’t stay bad forever. It has to get better at some point. So, you know, I dived into content that was super uplifting and inspirational to lift my spirits and to lift my heart, remind myself of who I am, go back to my affirmations that I had written about myself and continue to speak it even when I didn’t feel it. But just saying it is psyching myself up to get to a better headspace because I knew that space wasn’t healthy for me and I had to get out of there. I couldn’t stay there.
You can have depressing moments as well. It’s not always just about because you’ve had some financial, health or familial depressing moments that bring you down. But sometimes it’s just because you’re so lonely and nobody that you are around with really understand your journey. I’m not an only child. I do have another sibling, but we don’t have a relationship. And I don’t know if we ever will, but you know, some things were done to me by him that was super hurtful and it, you know, it caused some depressing moments as well, but I have to remind myself that I was created for greatness. I had to really dig deep, shut out those voices that were shouting in my head that you don’t deserve success. You’re not worthy. You are going to fail. All of those negative words that were being, set in my head that was not true.
I had to dismiss those thoughts and I had to speak out positive affirmations and it did help overtime to help lift my spirits. And again, being around other people I had to put on a brave face and that smile and show my teeth and say all is well when people would ask me how things are because I couldn’t break down as an entrepreneur battling depression in silence.
So when you see someone that’s super successful and then you hear a story about how they took themselves out of here, don’t question that anymore. You have to know that people are going through some really hard struggles, and it’s not always because they’ve got a lot of money in the bank, and their business is doing well. There are so many other factors that are involved, so just remember that.
Beauty, Blessings & Prosperity